Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wooden Leg

I think it's about time i tell you about my most embarrassing sexual contact i have ever had!
It was a few years ago now but i remember meeting up with a guy who was actually a little bit older than me. In fact he was a bit older than i would have wanted him to be but i was horny so you know how it is....!?
Anyways, i met up outside his place and after sizing hime up i thought that we might go up to his appartment and have a little......ummmm fun. Now remember i was exceptionally horny that day and under usual circumstances i would not have gone there but as i have said before, i was horny.
We get up to his appartment. By this time im beginning to come to my senses and woder why i am anywhere near this guy but he seems to be very keen and before i can say no he starts getting undressed. I am meanwhile trying to rack my brain to find an excuse to leave. I see him take his shirt off. I then remember turning around to do something and then i look back at him to see him bending over and doing something to his leg. Now the lighting wasnt that good so the room was kind of darkish. His figure was almost a sihouette. Then i got the shock of my life! His leg just fell off and hit the floor with a thud. He fell on to the bed. My automatic reaction was to head for the light switch. You can just imagine, i almost packed my pants. Some guys leg had just fallen off!!! When i got the light on all became clear, there was this guy laying on the bed totally naked with one leg. On the floor was this WOODEN LEG. Enough was enough i had to get out of there and fast, made my excuses with the only excuse that i KNEW would get me out of there without hurting his feelings. I said i was straight!
Now i might hear you ask how did you not notice that he had a wooden leg? Well, he had a slight limp that i thought might be due to an injury and second he didnt mention it on his gaydar profile or in his e-mails!
You know how it is. Descibe yourself. 6 inches uncut, goodlooking, white euro.....but nothing about a wooden leg. I dont know about you guys but it is only polite to prepare someone for that kind of thing especially if you are going to have a bit of.....nookie with them! I could have got myself into a bit of trouble if i had said i'd wanted to spread his LEG.
So, Moral of this story: Make sure a guy tells you everything about himself before you meet them. That way you dont get any SURPRISES.
PS: I dont have anything against people who are physically impaired. I just need to know about it in order to save embarrassment and to work out a good position!


At 1:51 AM, Anonymous Lemuel said...

Yes, that would be quite a surprise.

Although I follow the gist of your post, I must inquire: just what is this "horny" of which you speak. I am not sure I am familiar with that condition. [**EG**]

(I do not lie very well, do I!?)

At 4:23 AM, Blogger Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Haha.. as much as I'd like to think otherwise in that situation I don't think I could have gone through with it either.. I would have very likely reacted the same way.. but I might not have waited to say 'I'm straight' but just dashed.

Yes warnings in such respect are fiar game.

LOL @ HORNY. They things we do when we're horny.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger Monty said...

Oh yes, I fully agree with SSD...when we're horny, there's so much that we put up with (though a missing leg is something that would put a halt to proceedings for me too). :-)

At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Mark said...

wait until you see dick wadd's stump.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger tim said...

Didn't expect that kind of wood, eh.

At 5:15 AM, Blogger cb said...

Oh no he DIN'T!

LOVED the line about you nearly 'packing your pants'.

I would've said "pooping my pampers" but then again, we yanks are a bit more graphic always.

Are you sure his profile didn't say anything about having "ONE foot"??

At 9:35 AM, Blogger Donnie said...

LMAO! This was truly priceless. Thanks for sharing this experience.

At 5:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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